Monday, July 14, 2008


After having read Rachelle's entry about her booze rant, I realize that there are a few questions amongst the group as to things that are and are not awesome. Being one of the nation's foremost authorities on all things awesome-related, I thought I would settle a few disputes.

1)Hookahs: I thought I would start with the topic that was the impetus for this blog entry. A Hookah, in and of itself, is in fact quite awesome (sorry Rachelle). Hookahs are a strange flower of delicious tobacco smoking goodness that come to us as a gift from the Moors. However, let me be very clear about this, Hookahs are cool only when smoked by enough people to occupy all of the octopus like arms, while in the middle-east (or at the very least, a middle-eastern themed place), and when it is pleasantly flavored tobacco that is being consumed. This means that you and your roommate smoking a bowl of the sticky-icky while sitting around your apartment in your boxers is NOT awesome. Moreover, it is this kind of deuch-baggery that gives hookahs a bad (and NOT AWESOME) name.

2)80's Music: Despite the fact that no decade has produced more karaoke style sing-along hits, I must admit that 80's music as a whole is Not Awesome. It is a sad truth, but a truth nonetheless. This is a declaration of unawesomeness for the decade in general and not for individual acts.
Prince=Awesome, Thriller-era Michael Jackson=Totally Awesome, Duran Duran=Hungry like the wolf awesomeness, The Police=Awesome, and U2 might be the single most awesome band of all-time. U2 is so awesome that they have done a complete 360 in their career from awesome to not awesome, only to come right back around to more awesome than ever!

3)Wine-Snobbery: NOT AWESOME! Wine is delicious. We can all agree. However, their is no need to be snooty about it. You like a $500 bottle of merlot from the late 70's, well good for you. Enjoy it. Don't look down your nose at those who can perfectly appreciate all the flavor and aroma of a $10 bottle of pinot noir from Publix. If you do, it makes me wonder what you are really enjoying, the wine, or your ability to pay for it.
This rule is the same for Whiskey drinkers as well. You will not impress me with your scotch selection if the first word out of your mouth is how much the bottle cost.

4)Reading the paper: Awesome! There are few habits that will be as good for you in the long run as reading a paper everyday. The better the paper, the better the rewards. It is the most surefire way to achieve your own personal awesomeness.

5)Educational Television Networks (Discovery, History Channel, National Geographic): Awesome and more Awesome. If you are going to spend your day in front of the boob tube, this is what you should be enjoying. Throw in some Daily Show and Colbert for good measure, both of which reign supreme in the land of late-night awesomeness.

6)Used-to-be-educational television networks (Bravo, A&E, Animal Kingdom): Not Awesome! I don't care how addictive you may find "America's next top clothes-designing chef competing for the love of the housewives of orange county who happen to be dog whisperers who married Gene Simmons," these networks used to be about so much more. While popular and good are not always mutually exclusive, there is certainly a chasm between two that makes it a rare feet to bridge the divide. These networks should have been happy to be good and less popular. Now they are popular and atrocious.

7)The Decemberists: Literally Awesome! What do you get when you put a MFA in literature into the mind of an unbelievable songsmith... Mr. Colin Meloy. Also, despite what Quinn may say, they are not indie-rock racists.

That is it for now. I will be back again to settle some more awesomeness debates.


Megan said...

Oh my sweet Love! At last, the admittance that the '80s are NOT, in fact, awesome! This makes my heart happy. I will certainly bring this up in future debates of the matter!

Quinn said...

am being misrepresented! The Decemberist are not racist, merely the whitest band around. See Sasha Frere-Jones article here:

Rachelle said...

1) The hookahs I referred to when I said "not awesome" were of the sticky-icky/boxer variety. Just to be clear.
2) 80's music is awesome. Just accept it.
3)Here we agree - wine = awesome
snobbery = not awesome
4)More agreement, newspaper=awesome
5) and 6) I am currently anti-tv. People need to read more books.
7) Decemberists = the AWESOMEIST

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